So, my mother went out and apparently bought stuff for "everyone in England" for me to take with me. You know, those people she has never met and doesn't know anything about, which I imagine makes it difficult to pick something out that'll really mean something. She doesn't even know who all I met or which of those people I'll be seeing again.

But I'm the huge bitch for telling her I hope she saved her receipts. Sure, I could have said it a little nicer, but for some reason I have a very hard time not sounding bitter or resentful when I say something to her.

Am I the only one worried about them losing the house? Am I the only one worried about their credit card debt, loan debts, income taxes they owe, or the fact that they're making payments on a camper they use less than once a year? Why am I the only one who seems to cringe when I sneak a peek at her clothing receipts, or receipts from a shopping spree at Bath & Body Works she only had to spite my dad, who threw away an almost-empty bottle of lotion he kept telling her gave him headaches? Does she not see the money she is throwing away on her McDonald's addiction?

Why am I the only one who seems bothered by any of this? Why am I "the difficult one" by saying I don't want anything for Christmas, simply because I'd like my parents to not stress about money for once in their lives? This is not the life I want my dad to live and I am SO ANGRY AT HER FOR DOING THIS TO HIM.

I picked Quincy up from the groomer's a couple weeks ago for my Dad, so I wrote the groomer a check and my dad wrote me one. I can't even bring myself to deposit it. It's only $33, but it's $33 that could go toward something more important. I've even considered draining my savings account to help pay the income taxes they owe from last year... the only thing stopping me is the fact that they probably won't be able to pay it all back before I move.

I am just so upset that this is the life my dad has to live. He deserves so much better, and my mom doesn't seem to realize how hard he works to take care of this family, keep her closet overflowing with clothes, and her veins brimming with cholesterol.

Can I just say that I am totally in love with this? It's so simple and gorgeous!

I still have yet to sit down and write what I wanted to talk about. Every time I do I just get so frazzled... there are tooooo many things going on in my head and my fingers don't move fast enough to get it all out.

I just worry way too much, plain and simple. I keep trying to remind myself not to worry and that (most) things will end up working out fine. I just hate not knowing exactly how my life is going to go. I feel like if I don't worry about it all the time, I'll forget about it and then something will happen and then I'm screwed. If I don't worry about stuff 24/7, I won't be adequately prepared if/when it happens.

I've been feeling very guilty lately. Very guilty about some of my decisions and worried about things that may or may not happen in the future. I know they don't warrant much thought now, but for some reason they feel like very pressing issues that need to be worked out.

I don't know what to do.

It doesn't help that lately I've dreamed about almost everything that's bugging me, and the result is almost inevitably my death, no matter how unrelated my health or well-being is to the thing I'm actually worried about.

Ok, so everything pretty much turned out in my favor. A girl at work mentioned having gone to Europe right before Christmas one time and their tickets were cheaper than if they would have left a couple days earlier, so I played around on Expedia with dates and whatnot.

( Visual aid! )

Notice the ~$200 price difference when I return the 6th instead of the 5th? What the heck. Sooo I'll be leaving after work on the 23rd and arrive around 7am GMT on the 24th. Because of the price difference between the 5th and 6th, I'm going to leave London early in the morning on the 6th, and will be home a little before 2pm EST. That'll give me time to sleep and be up for work the next day. The 6th was originally a day to recuperate, but last time wasn't bad at all so I don't think I'll need it. I got home around 8pm last time, had dinner and went to bed, then felt pretty refreshed and on the right clock quite early in the morning, so I think it'll be ok.

I'M SO EXCITED!! I can't stop thinking about when I arrived last time. It was probably the most surreal night of my life - sitting in the back of Jules' car late at night (after 11pm GMT), the window rolled down, the warm wind whipping my hair around, Steve next to me holding my hand, zipping through a city I've only ever dreamed about. Seeing sites I've seen millions of times in photographs. A few times I had to just close my eyes, my face lifted toward the window, and let the little tears dry up on my cheeks. I can't believe I'm here, I'd think. I can't believe this is finally happening. From the second I saw Steve, Jules, and Colin standing in the arrivals area to several hours later when we finally crept up to bed around 3am, it was like being in a movie. One day I was living a normal life. Going to work, coming home, keeping to myself and staying in one place. Then literally just one day later I had seen Tower Bridge, London Bridge, Big Ben and Parliament, the London Eye, Millennium Bridge, 10 Downing Street, Buckingham Palace, Hyde Park, Trafalgar Square, Picadilly Circus, and the West End... in just a matter of a couple hours. I had flown in my first plane, crossed the ocean for the first time, made it through Customs and a connecting flight all on my own, driven (as a passenger) on the wrong left side of the road, met a friendly police officer during a "routine traffic stop," and ended the night snuggled up in Steve's arms.

It was amazing and surreal and just the best night of my life. I cannot wait to be there and with him again.

God, I fucking hate laying in bed at night by myself. It takes so long to fall asleep anymore. Especially when I spend all day just wanting to talk to Steve and then when I do, I leave the conversation feeling angry, like last night.

There are no good flights out there during the time that I need, without spending over $1500, connecting in a foreign country, leaving London too early in the morning, or 6+ hour layovers.

For some reason these websites keep showing these really great flights with seats available but when I go to book it, it tells me it's no longer available. Even though no matter how many different times I search, the fucking flight is still there.

And I can't wait until January to go because then I lose two whole days off because I have Christmas and New Years' Day off automatically. I don't have the PTO to make up for those days in January and I can't move them because I've already used my allotment of substitute holidays for this fiscal year.

And then I do a LITTLE complaining about flight suckage and Steve acts like I expect him to bend over backwards to get me what I want. Like I expect him to change things I know can't be changed. How about YOU drop $1500 on just a flight and then try to scrounge up a comfortable amount of money to move to a foreign country 4-5 months later. GRR.

I see lots of burger flipping in my future.

Steve and I have decided that we're going to have (a hopefully white) Christmas in England this year. It was a pretty simple discussion.

Me: What do you want to do about Christmas?
Steve: Have it here I think
Me: Ok, that just means next year we really need to have it here
Steve: Sure :)

The end.


I was looking at Expedia the other day and can't really find anything good. I'll sit down and have a more thorough look later... don't really feel like it now. At first I was restricting myself to American, but I guess I don't really need to until I go over there permanently. Checked luggage on their international flights is free, which will come in handy when I'm flying over there for good.

I did find an ok one with Northwest, where I'd leave around 6pm my time and get there around 6am their time, without a connecting flight. I think something like that would be nice. Then I could technically leave even earlier, because I can work the day I leave and then be there in the morning, rather than working, leaving the next morning, and getting there at night. I think I could handle that, as long as I take it easy and eat when/as much as I need to throughout the day to stave off any headaches or yuckiness that can only be cured by sleeping.

I also need to find something that'll help me sleep on the flight... I do not want to stay awake the entire trip like last time.

Anyway, I'll have a look later. Hopefully I can book within the next couple weeks :)

( Sleepy Basel )

Sooo I had my follow-up appointment today to see how things are going. It was actually supposed to be on Friday but she got called out of the office... delivering babies and stuff.

You may/may not remember that last time I was really upset about my blood pressure. I also had an extremely high pulse. Honestly though, it was an awful day to be testing those things. It was a Blood Line day at work which meant I was stressed and going non-stop for the latter portion, as I always seem to be scrambling to get it together and out on time. And on the day I release the newsletter, I don't have enough time to get carts/laptops ready for the afternoon shift, which SUPERVISOR knows, but I always feel extremely stressed and anxious because I know they talk behind our backs about any draws left over for their shift, so why wouldn't they complain about having to raise a finger and get their own cart ready?

I also had a headache that day, hadn't eaten properly, so I was jumped up on caffeine-laden Excedrin and soda trying to help my headache, which always make my heart beat a lot faster. Then I had just enough time to stop by the house and race to my appointment, where I was immediately taken back and didn't have a second to calm down.

BUT! Good news! My blood pressure is now actually quite low, my real resting pulse is normal, and I've lost another 6lbs. And my period started today... first one since I was in England! So things are really looking up health wise. My Dr. is excited, which makes me excited. I'm really going to work at losing more weight... I'd really like to do something special this NYE because it'll be our first together. Something where I can wear a cute dress :)

Finally! The last batch of photos! All taken with the S3 and batch edited, so they look like crap, but here they are! I can finally tick this off on my to-do list, thank god.

They start after we've exited the Jewel House, as you can't take photos inside there. More stuff around the Tower of London, then as we took a water taxi down the Thames to Embankment, got on the tube, and went to Harrods. Then we went to King's Cross to see platform 9¾, and went home as we were super exhausted.

( CLICK HERE!! )





» Installment #1: Packing & Flying
» Installment #2: Brighton
» Installment #3: Brighton Part II
» Installment #4: Brighton and Epsom Downs
» Installment #5: Roast Dinner, Around Effingham, and First Curry
» Installment #6: ADIML London
» Installment #7: Dorking, Lie-In, and the Tower of London
» Installment #8: The Tower of London, Water Taxi, Harrods, Platform 9¾, and End-of-Trip Dinner

I'm still working on a text recap of my trip. I'm sure no one cares, but I'd really like to do it for myself, and before I start forgetting the cute little things and thoughts that made me happy.

The first few photos are from the day we went to Dorking. Steve knows how much I love antique shopping, so he took me to this little town that has a street full of antique shops.

I think all I bought was an old art print. Their antique shops are different than over here - mostly furniture and big things, not very trinkety like the ones I'm used to.

Also in Dorking I bought this cute sterling silver bracelet for Samantha. It's like a hoop cut in half where one connection of the two pieces is the clasp and the other connection is held together by a tiny hoop with a seashell charm and a bead. It's really cute. We also found this great shop called The Lemon Tree, which was full of all sorts of gift items. It was a little shop but I think we circled through it a few times before heading back out on the high street, then came back after we visited all of the shops so I could buy this silver, jewel-encrusted pen for my mom. They had all sorts of wonderful things, it was so difficult to walk out without buying a million things for myself!

Oh yeah! We also went into this cookery shop where I bought my dad this handmade/painted Union Jack mug, made in Stoke-on-Trent, Staffordshire.

It was a pretty sprinkly/misty day, so we made our way to (what I think is) the end of the high street where Steve knew of a movie theatre. It only had one screen, though, and was showing Ice Age 3, so he called a taxi service to come take us home, rather than having to go all the way back down the high street to get a regular taxi, then back to the train station. I don't know what kind of car it was that picked us up, but it was nice! I felt so posh watching the countryside zip by as we wound our way through the curvy English roads. The driver asked where we'd like to be dropped off at. "Effingham high street," Steve told her.

"Does Effingham have a high street?" she laughed (those of you who grew up in a small town like I did would appreciate that joke I guess... Effingham has a population of about 2,500). A high street is what we'd call the main street of a town - the street with all the shops and businesses on it. But over there, that's pretty much what they're called. We'd generally call the road by its name, but they seem to refer to them as just "the high street." Even when you go to shop websites to get directions, they'll list that the shop is on the high street instead of North Street, for example.

The driver thought we were going to a wedding... apparently I looked dressed up? Steve had his suit jacket on. I'm sure we were super cute.

Anyway, enough talking... I haven't even talked about the beginning of the trip yet, so I'm going out of order :( :(

The rest of the photos are part of our trip to the Tower of London. I'll do the other part later. After Dorking, everything was shot with my S3 IS because the battery for my rebel died and we hadn't picked up a US/European outlet converter thing.


Fun facts:

- Tours of the Tower of London are done by Beefeaters, who are a type of guard that have to have served in the British Armed Forces for at least 22 years before assuming a position as a Beefeater

- You cannot take photos inside The Chapel Royal of St Peter ad Vincula. It's the oldest chapel in England, and where most of those who died on Tower Hill have been buried, along with six of the seven executed on Tower Green (including Anne Boleyn, Catherine Howard, Lady Jane Grey, Sir Thomas More (author of Utopia), and John Fisher)

- A number of ravens are kept on the grounds

- On the Tower of London property is the Jewel House, which houses the Crown Jewels

- The Beefeaters and their families live within the Tower of London! How cool is that?!?

- It's not actually a tower, but a fortress made up of several buildings with several towers

( CLICK HERE!! )




» Installment #1: Packing & Flying
» Installment #2: Brighton
» Installment #3: Brighton Part II
» Installment #4: Brighton and Epsom Downs
» Installment #5: Roast Dinner, Around Effingham, and First Curry
» Installment #6: ADIML London
» Installment #7: Dorking, Lie-In, and the Tower of London
» Installment #8: The Tower of London, Water Taxi, Harrods, Platform 9¾, and End-of-Trip Dinner

You can see all 101 photos aquí. This is what I'm posting in adayinmylife, so just ignore the obvious stuff about me.


( 51 Photos Total )

LJ is just now coming back up for me. Wtf. I don't even have anything to say anymore.

Here are photos from day two, three, and four. Only one batch of 37 photos. We didn't do a whole lot of eventful stuff toward the beginning... just spent time together and hung out.

Day five is another failed ADIML, so I don't know if I'm going to delete the irrelevant photos or just post it as an ADIML and fill in what I missed/left off at the end lol. We'll see.

( CLICK HERE! )

More tomorrow!


» Installment #1: Packing & Flying
» Installment #2: Brighton
» Installment #3: Brighton Part II
» Installment #4: Brighton and Epsom Downs
» Installment #5: Roast Dinner, Around Effingham, and First Curry
» Installment #6: ADIML London
» Installment #7: Dorking, Lie-In, and the Tower of London
» Installment #8: The Tower of London, Water Taxi, Harrods, Platform 9¾, and End-of-Trip Dinner

Here are the last 27 photos from my first full day (Saturday, July 4th).

( CLICK HERE! )

More tomorrow!


» Installment #1: Packing & Flying
» Installment #2: Brighton
» Installment #3: Brighton Part II
» Installment #4: Brighton and Epsom Downs
» Installment #5: Roast Dinner, Around Effingham, and First Curry
» Installment #6: ADIML London
» Installment #7: Dorking, Lie-In, and the Tower of London
» Installment #8: The Tower of London, Water Taxi, Harrods, Platform 9¾, and End-of-Trip Dinner

Another 27.

( CLICK HERE! )

More tomorrow!


» Installment #1: Packing & Flying
» Installment #2: Brighton
» Installment #3: Brighton Part II
» Installment #4: Brighton and Epsom Downs
» Installment #5: Roast Dinner, Around Effingham, and First Curry
» Installment #6: ADIML London
» Installment #7: Dorking, Lie-In, and the Tower of London
» Installment #8: The Tower of London, Water Taxi, Harrods, Platform 9¾, and End-of-Trip Dinner

I have nothing to say. Well I do, but not in a public entry ;) My left under-eye is swollen a bit and I have no idea why. I was just sitting here catching up on a bit of America's Got Talent and realized that my left eye felt weird when I tried to look down. Eventually I made my way to a mirror only to see something similar to this, only mine has more creases in it because for some reason my under-eyes are pretty... creasey. Ah well. Hopefully it doesn't get worse overnight, as I only have three hours of PTO. That's not gonna help me any if I wake up and can't see out of it.

Aaaaaaaanywho... 27 photos total.

( CLICK HERE! )

More tomorrow!


» Installment #1: Packing & Flying
» Installment #2: Brighton
» Installment #3: Brighton Part II
» Installment #4: Brighton and Epsom Downs
» Installment #5: Roast Dinner, Around Effingham, and First Curry
» Installment #6: ADIML London
» Installment #7: Dorking, Lie-In, and the Tower of London
» Installment #8: The Tower of London, Water Taxi, Harrods, Platform 9¾, and End-of-Trip Dinner

I really haven't been in the mood to sit down and edit all of these photos, so I'm just now getting around to starting.

After going through, I realized that despite taking 400-500 photos, I didn't capture even 50% of the things worth photographing. It was just one thing after another... I never would have taken my camera away from my face had I even tried! England is not something you can experience wholly in just two weeks.

So I guess that's my excuse for going back? Not to see Steve or anything... to, you know, get those great shots I wasn't able to get the first time around! Sorry hunny! :)

Anyway, here's the first batch of many, many more to come. I'll try to do them in smallish doses so as not to take forever to load! This one's a tiny one... I was going to include my first full day there, then counted almost 100 photos and I kind of need to get to bed sometime tonight ;)

( CLICK HERE! )

» Installment #1: Packing & Flying
» Installment #2: Brighton
» Installment #3: Brighton Part II
» Installment #4: Brighton and Epsom Downs
» Installment #5: Roast Dinner, Around Effingham, and First Curry
» Installment #6: ADIML London
» Installment #7: Dorking, Lie-In, and the Tower of London
» Installment #8: The Tower of London, Water Taxi, Harrods, Platform 9¾, and End-of-Trip Dinner

So. Hello Livejournal. Long time no see. Sorry for the lack of non-existent vlogs. It just didn't happen. Idk why.

England was amazing, of course. Even with the several days we spent lying around, snuggling, and watching movies, these past two weeks have felt like a complete whirlwind and I'm exhausted both physically and emotionally. Every single day was full of new sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and

At his house in Surrey.

feelings. It's so tiring.

I don't really feel like updating about everything right now, but I did want to update.

I just wanted to say that I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really love Steve. Leaving him yesterday was awful. Too awful. Compounded with my fickle body and not having enough to eat at the right times, yesterday was absolutely miserable. Waking up and living life with him so far away feels so wrong and unnatural.

I hate this whole feeling like I'm living a double life. 99% of the time I'm living a normal, mundane life all by myself where every day looks exactly like the one before and no matter what I do, nothing seems to improve or make me happy. The other 1% of the time is spent living the life I want - not always particularly exciting or completely different-looking than the other one, but it's a life I look forward to waking up to every morning. And there's really only one ingredient that separates these two lives from each other. It's hard. It's hard knowing that your everyday life could be so much different and so much better if just this one little thing was different.

Anyway, I had a fabulous time. I love Steve more than anything. And I have lots of photos to go through!

I'm sorry this one sucks. It has been a loooooooong couple days. My car broke today, I didn't eat anything until around 9am so I'm all jittery, I just paid some dude $300 for roughly £170, people are dying and getting sick and all sorts of stuff (IRL, I'm not talking about the recent barrage of celebrity deaths), I'm freaking OUT about this flight tomorrow and like, not crashing and making it through customs and my baggage not getting lost for forever and not being sick when I get there because my body is so effing fickle. OMG I JUST WANT IT ALL TO BE OVERRRRR!

I got my hair dyed today, to my natural color, and as you can see it makes my face look super pale. They have sun in England, right? I've heard it's quite elusive there so we'll see if I manage to come back any darker. What kind of vacation is it if you don't get a tan??

Oh yeah, and I just tried putting my glasses on and one of the lenses popped out. I didn't know they were held in with fishing wire when you have half-framed lenses. So now I get to do all that flight reading without them! Sure glad I got a lot of Excedrin.

Anyway, here ya go:


See you all in England!

I was reading a bit back in my journal yesterday. I absolutely love this and this.

We've been camming in enormous amounts lately. I didn't make the cut-off to change my cell phone plan before this new month started, so I'm going to do that for the next one. We only used around 600 of my minutes last month, and I think almost all of those were before I got this laptop, so we'll easily be able to survive on 450 again. I doubt if we'll even go through that many.

God, I want to kiss him so badly!! His face pops up on my screen and I have to fight this weird urge to lean forward and plant one on him. For a couple microseconds, I forget that we're so far apart. Probably the best couple microseconds of my days anymore.

Awwww :) Kiss pls!!

I worked on my birdhouse this weekend. It's coming along nicely. Except for the gold paint, which I only just realized takes 24-48 hours to dry. So I did the accents on one side and will do the rest either tomorrow evening or the day after. It's gonna be cute! Steve kept making me show it to him on cam so when it came time to peel off the tape from doing the stripes, I put the laptop on the table and he got to watch, haha. We're such dorks.

The whole painting and taping thing is surprisingly relaxing. And what was nice is that the width of the tape was the same width as my medium brush, so measuring the stripes was soooo easy! I saw tons of stuff at Hobby Lobby that would be super cute, so maybe I might do a couple more sometime!

I'm kind of in the mood for some Chinese. Or really chunky applesauce.

GREAT NEWS!!! Cindy, the queen of substitute holidays, was able to figure out how to get me a few extra days for England! So here's the official plan:

- Friday, July 3rd: off due to substituting July 4th
- Monday the 6th through Friday the 10th: 40 hours of PTO
- Monday the 13th: off due to substituting Labor Day
- Tuesday and Wednesday the 14th and 15th: off due to substituting Thanksgiving (considered a two-day holiday by the University, so I always have Thanksgiving Thursday and the following Friday off)
- Thursday the 16th: off due to trading with myself

I will fly out on Friday the 3rd, early, so that I arrive near or after Steve gets off of work, that way he's already in the city. I will then fly back here late on the 15th, arriving early on the 16th, then will work the 17th (a Friday) and the 18th (a Saturday) due to the trade with myself on the 16th.

That means I'll have used up all my substitute holidays (you can only do three a fiscal year), which doesn't bother me because I never used them before now anyway. And that also means I'll be scheduled to work Labor Day in September and the two-day Thanksgiving in November, but by then I will have accrued plenty more PTO and could take them off if I really wanted to. I'll probably work Labor Day regardless, as I found out on Easter that holidays are pretty much like weekends so I get a lot of my own work done and and catch up on things. I could always take a three-day weekend some other time. I might even work Thanksgiving, as we don't even have dinner until around 3pm, so I'll be home by then. That way I won't use up any PTO and will have plenty to work with when Steve and I figure out what we're doing after July.

Yayayayayayayayayay!

So. The plan for tonight is to sit down and budget the next couple months out so I know what I'm working with, find my last couple packs of Polaroid film because I took a different route home today and saw a few things I'd like to photograph, and get to bed suuuuuuuuuuuuper early because I'm absolutely shattered and need to get up around midnight, when Dad gets home, so he can work on this kink in my neck that still hasn't gone away, or let up even in the slightest.

OMG. ~7 weeks until I do the one and only thing I've wanted ever since I was little.

Oh yeah, and I get to see Steve ;) Love you hunnybunches :)