"Oh so you're dating someone now huh?" Uh yeah, I am. Oh, did you expect me to sit around waiting for you to get with everyone you had at least a little bit of interest in to make sure I was the very best? I don't think so hunny. I'm happy. Sorry about your luck.

Why do people think that's ok? Certain people at work tell me to date multiple people to "keep my options open" but it just leads to shit like this. I'm sure that's exactly what Mark was doing - decided to take things further with someone else, so he drops me like a hot cake. No explanation, nothing. And then when things don't work, he feels like he can head back to whomever was next in line.

I don't think so. I'm not letting someone treat me like that. He had his chance and he decided not to take it. And in trying to save myself, I forced myself to get rid of whatever part of me had feelings for him. They're gone. Once I've been able to move on, there's no turning back. I will never feel the same about someone. And I'm happy now. I'm glad we had our little time together, as it really showed me exactly how happy and fulfilling a relationship should make me feel, but I've found that in someone who values me and knows that they want to spend their time with me, not try out every other dish before deciding on one. I mean, who else can I text late at night about things like ambiguous genitalia???


Me: I wonder how that affects reproduction
Me: Like if you have both do you have eggs or sperm
Mike: Both. Masturbation becomes a productive activity, literally. :P
Me: Lol
Me: Asexual... sweet
Me: I shall call it... Mini me

Mike: Whatcha want to do tonight?
Me: Idk!
Mike: Want to go to the memphis smokehouse?

That's where we met/had our first date. It made me think hmm... our anniversary is soon! I think back and realize we met on the 6th of the month - and TODAY is the 6th of the month!

Me: Omg omg today is our two month anniversary!
Mike: Lol I know thats why I suggested that place :)


♥ It doesn't seem like it's only been two months at all. Guess that's what happens when you actually get to spend time, share experiences, and make memories with your significant other. I love it :)


P.S. I really want to start LJing more! Even the everyday stuff. I miss it and I miss you guys!

Nothing too exciting to report! Just felt like I should update on how wonderful things are :) Like, I can't remember a time when I've felt so content with day-to-day life.


I was talking with someone the other day about relationship dependencies and whatnot and it kind of brought up some feelings. Like, I used to be so angry and resentful at the fact that I completely paid for my two trips to England and our trip to Paris. Plane tickets, food, entertainment, ferry, gas, hotel, everything. I think while in England Steve fronted a little bit of cash here and there, and he paid for a tank of gas on the trip to Dover/Calais/Paris and back, but that was it. Because he refused to work any job he deemed beneath him, we wouldn't have done 98% of the things we did had I not had the money. Idk it just ticked me off having to bear all of that responsibility.

But now I've come to be kind of glad for it. Now when I talk of England or Paris, I very rarely picture him or feel any of the emotions of us being together. It's all pure contentment at the fact that I, on my own, accomplished and experienced something so amazing, that I had for years promised myself I would do.

I love that Mike and I share the responsibilities in our relationship. It's very much a partnership, with everything. I was sitting out in the rain earlier today just thinking about how glad I am that my path has lead me this way. Who knew someone who could make me so happy was nearby this whole time? Nothing compares to date nights, being pulled close in the middle of the night, nights out with friends, and the immeasurable amount of laughter we share together. I think I giggle and laugh more than I talk anymore!

Come on and let it snow!

I'm sending holiday cards this year :) Non-denominational so if you celebrate anything during the blustery season, I've got one for ya! Comments are screened so feel free to leave your address here, or you can email it to me at sabrinaioana at gmail.com - I'll send you mine in return!

I am so so so sick of people assuming that because I use a computer all day, that I'm not actually working or that my job is unimportant. My job requires CONSTANT use of the computer. I cannot do 99% of my job tasks without it. When you see me sitting at the table twiddling my thumbs, or hiding in the cafeteria like some phlebotomists, then you can go ahead and assume I'm not doing anything.

I'm sorry you're unhappy with your job. Jealous that this position was created for me based on my work ethic for just two summers? Jealous that I don't work for the same dumbass supervisor as you? Does it make you a little angry that you can't always get time off because you're competing with an entire staff of phlebotomists, while I can take any day off I want without any hesitation? I don't have to worry about permanently messing up my body from pushing around a 200+lb cart every single day. I don't have to deal with any of the patient, nurse, or doctor drama up on the floors. I don't have to worry about working alongside someone who doesn't pull their own weight. I get to control my schedule. I take my breaks if and when I want to instead of at a certain time. My salary and responsibilities continue to increase because I've shown that I'm worth it and I can handle it. All-in-all, I have it pretty sweet, thanks to the hard job I do every day. The only thing that sucks is being stuck somewhere where everybody does the same thing so when someone with a different job comes along that you don't understand or have any clue about, you act like total jerks.

There are people and sick patients that rely on what I do, too... stop acting like it's nothing.




NOW. I'm gonna watch my trashy afternoon TV, catch up on American Horror Story, probably shave/shower/do my hair and get all smooth and sexy for my hunny. We're gonna go out to dinner, possibly with other people, and have an AWESOME time. Probably have some AMAZING sex (as always). Maybe snuggle up and watch some movies, just enjoying our time together. I'm positive there will be lots of laughing, and no thinking about work and the aforementioned douchers.

Sooooo I'm still justa pluggin along. Things are good. No major drama to report. Looks like those days are over! Things with Mike are going really well :) We have so much fun together it's insane. He's so outgoing but makes me feel soooo comfortable, so I almost feel like an extrovert when we're together! He is so funny and I think we really kind of feed off each other, making me extra witty. It's such a good time :)

Last weekend we met up with his brother and some of their friends at the bar. I wasn't going to drink but the girls at the table next to us had something that looked super yummy, so I had two. It was just some random thing the bartender comes up with on the spot with several different flavored vodkas so I was a wee bit sloshed after a little while... omg it was hilarious. Laaauuuughing laughing laughing. Mike ended up driving us home and neither of us had eaten, so he had me call and order a pizza. Well, I was calling Happy's and they have several locations around here, so when someone picked up I asked if it was the one on Washtenaw but it wasn't, so I hung up. Then we realized it was actually kind of closer to my apartment than the one on Washtenaw (which is closer to his place), so I called back and ordered. Then the dude was like, "Didn't you just call a few minutes ago?" I was like, "Yeah but we decided to go with you guys anyway." Idk why but I could not stop laughing.

He is so cute and funny and sweet. He is totally in love with my eyes and my giggle and he makes me feel so amazingly beautiful and sexy *blush* Sigh. Fun stuff.

Work = omg stress. Believe me, I'm the first one to tell you when I don't have jack shit to do, but right now I am so swamped. I can barely seem to keep up and basically work through most lunches seeing as I don't eat until I get home. And it seems like whatever I'm working on is not what someone needs. Like I'll hold off on something to catch up on something else, then someone's like hey I need that first something and I'm like well you're gonna have to hold on cuz it's not exactly up-to-date. Then I totally screwed up this 6-hour meeting going on tomorrow and now we have to squish 28 people into a room that's listed as having a capacity of 35 but in reality, it's a boardroom where about 16 people can sit at the table and everyone else has to sit around the perimeter of the room. For 6 hours. And somehow eat lunch in there. I feel so so awful. I never screw up like that. I can't seem to get this yucky feeling out of me and can't wait until the meeting is over and the new hospital opens on Sunday and none of that stuff is on my plate anymore.

Ho hum... I see a tropical holiday in my future. I keep saying my next big trip somewhere is gonna be somewhere tropical. I gotta get on the ball!

Last night I was going through my biggest piece of luggage, which still contains all of the things I got during my Christmas in England. I know, I know… I’m terrible at unpacking. But I haven’t needed it since that trip, and I’m still not sure what to do with a lot of the stuff.

Anyway, it had me thinking about the last year and how different things are. Steve and I broke up around this time last year… it seems like it’s been much longer. I’m kind of amazed at my ability to get over it and move on. Things feel so, so different and I don’t feel like the same person.

After being so emotionally dependent on him for so long, I feel great knowing that I’m not like that anymore – with anyone. I depend on myself and only myself. My salary has increased by over 15%, I’ve paid my car off, and I’ve gone from living with my parents and not really knowing where my money was going to moving into an apartment and being able to still save money, despite the new responsibility of about $700 in rent, utilities, and internet.

My self-confidence has increased greatly and I’m generally happier than before, even without medication. I’m out doing things I enjoy instead of being tied to the computer and never ever going out. I no longer feel like I have to settle with someone. I can’t bring myself to be with someone where I have to consciously overlook things in order to be happy, or hope that things will change into the ideal relationship. I know exactly what I’m looking for – what feelings I should feel – and I’m not settling for any more compartmentalized or half-relationships. I feel happier and more fulfilled, and am pretty satisfied with where everything is at the present time. I have my moments, but I really do feel extremely lucky and content. Even with the hurt, heartache, and confusion, I am so glad for the events of the past year. What a great turning point in my life! I'm so excited for the future!

Soooo let's see... backed off of things with Mark, mmk? Gave him his space and time or whatever. After the wedding I texted to see what was up. I think we texted back and forth maybe twice around that time? Just simple pleasantries, really. I stopped on the 24th and gave it a rest, then texted hi on the 2nd. He replied, I asked how it was going, and nothing back since. Soooo I'm done. Deleted from FB, not gonna try texting, I'm over it.

Went out with this one guy - first date was awful. Next guy, the first date was alright. Kind of too many quiet moments and he seemed suuuuuper uncomfortable, so I agreed to a second one to see if maybe he was just super nervous meeting me for the first time or what. But he's just awkward. And annoying. He kisses me like my dad does, with his lips all puckered and completely closed. And I don't think he really knows how to touch a woman - his touches are super rough instead of gentle and kind of caressing, you know what I mean? And he doesn't go and just kiss me. I don't really know how to describe it but he kind of acts like a baby who wants something but doesn't know how to speak. For a second I thought he was going to stretch out his arms and do the "gimme gimme" motion at me. Ciao.

Next guy is pretty cool. Date was spur-of-the-moment and we went to this BBQ place nearby. You know things are off to a good start when your waiter has to come back several times to take your order cuz you've been so busy talking you haven't even glanced at the menu! Afterward we went to Pinball Pete's and had a total blast. Idk why but ever since I went out to my sister's school a few weeks ago and I saw a pinball machine at the movie theatre, I've been totally craving some pinball action! So we played a bunch of that, challenged each other to that one game where you roll the ball up a little ramp into different circles, then played air hockey. It was so much fun. I was so bummed that it was Sunday night instead of Saturday, cuz after that we walked around a couple blocks downtown Ann Arbor and then had to get going so I could get to bed for work :(

But! We're grabbing lunch together after I get off work and before he goes to work today :)

I had such a great weekend in general. Thursday night I went over to blackrover's place and watched a bunch of Top Gear UK. Then on Friday the new Mott was open for faculty and staff for the first time so I went and toured that, then left work at 10am. Olga's with Mom, did a little running around, went out to Spring Arbor to pick Lucie up, did some shopping at the mall there, etc. I had so much to tell her I was talking like the whole way home! I was like blah blah blah OH and blah blah blah OH and blah blah blah over and over again. I'm sure she had enough of me by the time we got to Clinton, haha.

Got to Mom and Dad's and Mom was sleeping in the bedroom so we turned the light on and got in the bed, getting the dog all riled up. All sorts of laughing and playing with the dog, then the three of us went to Big Boy in Tecumseh for dinner, where we also had a riot laughing about this and that. OMG I had so many endorphines running through me I was going to explode. It was nice :) We don't usually get to have those kinds of moments when Mom's around lol. When her and Dad are together there is always tension and things are said nastily etc etc.

Then on Sunday I went back out there for church, as the wife of the minister we grew up with was down visiting from her nursing home up north. That was nice.

Not sure what all is going on this weekend... I have a wedding to go to Friday afternoon and then I'm gonna try and move furniture around on Saturday. We'll see how well that goes!

I can't seem to shake Jason for more than a few days before he's back trying some other angle. Every time I refuse his advances as nicely as possible, but it always turns sour. Last night he was especially hurtful, and I can't seem to get out of this funk I've been in ever since.

I recently met this really awesome guy who I can completely be myself with. No reservations, no walls, nothing. What's in my head just comes out of my mouth and we always laugh. He actually gets my humor. We're like, so super playful together and there really hasn't ever been a truly dull moment. I don't know where things are going to go but I'm having a great time and he really kind of brings me out of my shell. He has the youth and the vibrancy I keep trying to describe when I talk about Jason and I not working.

Anyway, I never said anything about him to Jason because it's really none of his business and I didn't want him to feel like I'm rubbing it in his face or whatever. Once again, worrying about his feelings, ok? Then last night he kept talking about how my walls and issues are because he's "a great man" and that "scares the hell out of" me blah blah blah and finally I couldn't take him tooting his own horn anymore. I told him that it simply wasn't true and that I had met someone I don't have any of those barriers with.

He. Flipped. Out. He pretty much went berserk on me saying this guy's just a rebound and I can't possibly be so heartless blah blah blah. I was like a rebound to what, Jason? You rebound from heartache, not something I could clearly see wasn't going to work and kept trying to end. I'm not hurt over the fact that we're not together - it's what I want. Derr. So then he's calling me a liar again and keeps asking me why I'm punishing him when all he has ever been was great to me and I never cared about him and I'm just a cold hearted bitch and a slut etc.

I know that there's something seriously wrong with him and that he's lashing out after being rejected, but it still really hurts. How could someone say those things about me? And now everyone he knows will think those things, too. But that's not me at all. Yes, I've been confused and tried to make things work when they won't, but I've never purposely tried to hurt him. We're two pieces from completely different sides of a puzzle... there's no way we'd match up together. I don't feel like I can be my complete self with him and I can't open up to him. I don't feel that want or excitement with him. Why am I such an awful person when I can't help these things? And if he sees that we're not compatible, like he claims he does, why won't he just let go and continue looking for happiness? Why must he keep popping up to make me feel bad about wanting an amazing and fulfilling partnership?

Ok so after ending things with Jason a few weeks ago, I woke up the next morning (a Thursday) to find my tires slashed. What a coincidence, I thought! Omg crazy em-effer.

After work that Friday, I went to the movies and out to dinner with my mom and Lucie. I don't remember what else I did but I got home around 10:30pm and went to bed shortly after. Then, simultaneously, I wake up to my phone ringing and heavy-handed knocking on my shared door (one other apartment and I have doors into this hallway that has a door at the end of it to the outside). It's midnight, and it's Jason. He wants to talk. I'm like, flipping out because I think he's a psycho and I'm sure all the neighbors are like wtf. The shared door he's banging on has two apartment doors on either side, so he's basically pounding on a door that's disturbing all four apartments upstairs.

Soooo I hang up on him and fly out of bed, yelling something or other, I can't really remember what but I was pissed and freaked out. Threw a nightgown and sandals on, and went out into the hall. I opened the shared door but wouldn't let him step off of the balcony into the hall, because duh, I didn't want to be murdered. The girl in #3 was having friends over and they were going out or something, so they're all walking by on the balcony looking and I'm just like omg.

He kept asking if he could come in and talk but I just stood in the wedge between the door and the wall like no. I didn't say anything about it, but I thought if you're crazy mad enough to slash my tires, I do not want to be alone with you, even if you are apologizing and recanting everything you said to/about me on Wednesday.

Long story short, he leaves, we talk later in the weekend and assures me he didn't do it, then I find out from the police that I wasn't the only one it happened to. So he's off the hook. He really, really, really wants to just be friends so we've hung out and talked or whatever. I think we do work better that way. No relationship pressures or obligations to each other or trying desperately to be happy when you're not, you know? We're not right for each other as a couple, in the long run.

And hanging out is pretty good for me, you know? We're into some of the same stuff so we have fun together, but then I don't have to feel bad about not wanting to be with him anymore and wanting to go home to have some alone time. It gives me someone else to spend my time with, besides the usual couple people. Keeps me occupied when I'd otherwise want to try to start dating again, which I don't want to start doing yet. But being lonely makes me give in sometimes.

So anyway... that's that. It is what it is. I try not to think about it too much. If we want to hang out, we do. If one of us doesn't, we don't. The end. Friends.


Moved Lucie into her dorm @ Spring Arbor on Monday. I can't believe it! It's so crazy. They had this "parting @ the plaza" ceremony and I like, bawled. It just seems wrong that us kids aren't all in the same place anymore, you know? Nic has been up north for so long, but I've always had Lucie. We could randomly do whatever whenever, and now she's an hour away without a vehicle and not in a convenient place where she could just ride into Ann Arbor with Dad on his way to work and then hang out with me. It's weird. But I'm excited for her. This is really going to change her life and shape her into a new and more worldly person.


As for me, well, I'm still trying to get things in order. There always seems to be a little setback but I'm finally conquering. I was talking with an old friend last night and it really made me realize what a rollercoaster the last several months have been. I went from doing nothing every single day for pretty much my entire relationship with Steve and the few months after it, to being so busy I'd barely have time to sleep! Even with the stresses and difficulties and heartbreak, it really has been a wild and enjoyable ride. I've prevailed 100% with extremely minimal help... I'm super proud of myself and I'm really excited for the things I'll experience and accomplish in the future. I love my cute little apartment and my cute little life.